The Glamours of a Quirky Life

Hello Again

It has been so long since I have written here. So much has happened that I could not even begin to think about sorting my thoughts into the written word. There is still too much to put it all up here. It would take me pages. And more pages.

Before that, I would like to say so little was happening that I had nothing to blog about, which is partially true. It took me a long time to get better, fight the Mono off…and I think I will be semi-permanently taking herbs for my immune system. But between the so much and the so little….here I am. 

I shall try to condense all the happenings of my recent life into a list. You might not believe that this list is true, but I assure you, not a word of it is fiction. Here it is, in no particular order:

-I am getting married in a little less than 60 days, therefore, I am planning a wedding, even if it is in Vegas. Find a cake, pick outfits, who to take pics, etc etc.

-My best friend Deniz is staying with me for a month surrounding the wedding, so I would like to have time to spend with her and a little money to spend. We will see how this goes.

-My mother’s house burned down. For the second time in the last 20 years. I watched it burn. Now it’s a shell that holds once beloved memories. Ones that have been torched. It makes me sad and I want it gone, as if it never were.

-I got an new job at a metaphysical store nearby. It was meant to be.

-My little brother’s best friend committed suicide. He was my friend too—-I even made out with him once after a few drinks at the bar. He holds a special place in my heart. His father did not want to let go of the urn at the service. 

-I got the ultimate job writing from home for a local company. After 3 months of “training,” I quit because they said I couldn’t write the way they wanted. That was the job of my dreams, or so I thought. It was, until I discovered that I was trying so hard to write the way they wanted that I was making less than $5 an hour.

-I went to a funeral. They never get easier. That was number 5.

-My mom and little brother are/were living with me for a few weeks at a time.

- The Homeowner’s Association, I had to fight with them because there are no cars allowed in the street for more than a few hours, and we have 5 cars. Only 4 parking spots. There are no exceptions for families with an unusual situation like mine. Instead, they will tag your car with a violation and fine you, if it goes that far.

-I am planning a “honeymoon” in 2 months that includes trips home to celebrate with family. His and mine. Dates not picked, plans unmade. No time. Last priority at this point.

-I found more writing work online that brings some money in and have been volunteering at the poetry center more often.

I could probably keep going, but I will stop there. How am I feeling, you might ask? Tired. Physically and emotionally. I feel renewed lately, but that depends on the day. I wish I were like some of the great writers and poets that perform at the poetry center, with books published; writing or teaching at a school or working for a small press I have never heard of. I suppose that could be my next goal: get published. For real. Keep writing poetry and see if someone will publish it. It has been awhile since I actually picked up a pen and wrote on paper.

Here I am

I haven’t blogged in forever. I suppose this is because I haven’t really wanted to share any of my feelings with the whole world. I am officially a freelance writer now, having acquired a job where I can write from home, or coffee shops, libraries and college campuses around town. I can work the hours I want, as many as I want AND I don’t have to physically exert myself. I am very excited about this opportunity as it seems the next step in my development as a professional writer, even if I am just a “ghost writer.” I can concentrate on my Examiner articles in my spare time and tutor or even write for other sites or companies. 

I love this because it feels right and I am just following the flow. It allows me to be me and still be a responsible, working girl.

Here I am, resting again. All I have wanted to do for the last few weeks (with the exception of when Ashley was here and we were resting and eating a lot) is lay in bed and do nothing. My muscles are tired. My brain is tired. I slept 12 hours last night and just wanna curl back up under the blankets and sleep some more.

Yet me, as myself—-I have an itch to be productive. I want to mail my invitations and do my online training for Avon, write a book, write articles….clean the house. but I can’t. I need to seriously do nothing. I think I have the funds to do so and take it easy for awhile, but I still have to work a few hours a day for the rest of the week and then there’s inventory on friday. ugh. Can I just be done already? Almost…sigh.

I cannot work. The virus is back and I just can’t be physical. I can probably write or read or the like, but even my arms don’t wanna move sometimes. You know, this virus makes me think of the old days, when they didn’t have a way to cure you of things like the flu or the common cold or infection—-no antibiotics. Nothing. And you just had to lay in bed and do nothing. That’s what Epstein Barr is like. But it’s so hard to consider when you have bills to pay and goals to achieve and a wedding to plan. 

But I shall give it my best shot this time, really resting. At least that’s the plan.

Vegetarianism

I do not think I was meant to be a meat-eater. I ate some chicken tenders last night and my stomach hates me today. 

I also have a slight gluten intolerance, which is very hard to handle when I absolutely LOVE biscuits and gravy once in awhile. 

Eating right is super difficult, especially when you have a little more spending money to eat what you want (eat out or by prepared foods) and you no longer work at a health food store. I do not miss pinching pennies, but I do miss eating a healthier diet. I miss not eating out and just eating at home, mostly. But food is so delicious!

Perhaps I should do some research of my own and read my vegetarian information books and see what I come up with. Not that I plan to cut meat completely out of my diet again….but maybe I will. Perhaps fish only. 

When I have little bits of chicken or other meats, I do okay but is it really benefiting me? And when I think about what it is that I ate, I feel very gross. Disgusting. I don’t want to have to avoid thinking about what I am eating. That is not who I am. If I truly feel it is not right to eat meat, then I shouldn’t eat it. 

Oh, the decisions we make…

How quickly it all changes

I am completely irritated by the fact that my friends dont seem to be around anymore. Yeah sure, they’re nearby…but the time we spend together is becoming less and less. Is this what it means to be a grown-up? It used to seem like we texted all day every day, chatting about our days and the world we lived in. How we viewed things, what we were doing….it was a 24/7 connection. Now, I am lucky if I get a response to a text in a timely manner.

I know we are all growing up, making our own lives in a more concrete manner, but I also feel we are becoming more boring. Work, sleep, eat…. That is what we do. I still want to enjoy life to the fullest and share it with my friends…but this task is becoming more and more difficult.

There’s also the fact that I am planning a wedding and the only person who seems to be helping me with anything is my best friend who lives in Kansas…which is just silly. I am planning a wedding and the girls who are my bridesmaids aren’t even helping, except for the one in Kansas, my dear lovely….and the rest are just like, uh huh, that’s nice…when I show them a picture of stuff. Or they’re too busy with school or work or they live on the other side of the planet.

As a person who jumps for joy at any news and is excited about almost any positive event my friends are involved in, I feel quite left out. Friends do not wait to answer texts until the next day. Getting advice about my wedding….yeah right. I can’t even get my mom over here to look on the Internet with me because she has her own yard sale planned.

What about me?! Isn’t it ok to be selfish once in awhile? And who is supposed to help me with this task, the one time I would like to think about myself in my life?

I don’t get why people bother to text me back a day later? They ignored my message yesterday, so why text today? I already know you ignored me, so….just don’t.  My wedding plans are making the world very clear in a new way. I finally need help with something, and those people who really are making an effort are shining. The others, not so much.

I had a friend bail on Thanksgiving dinner at my place, with a good reason, but instead she went to another friend’s house, just a few blocks down the street. This left me at my house cooking all day for everyone, without anyone to visit with, really. It was kind of lame and lonely. I had a house full of people, but my mom and her friends and the fiancee’s parents all visited…my brothers played video games….who’d that leave me with? 

I missed Missouri, as always. I would have rather had Thanksgiving alone, really, or…I am ready for little kids to be following me around the kitchen, trying to help. THAT was a strange, new thought.

It was a good day, perfect food, lots of friends and family….just a little…not-my-style.

And I had to work today. But I survived Black Friday and I didn’t have to write anyone up (which I probably should have)…it wasn’t crazy all day (just steady after around 1) and I got to go home on time. So, overall, it wasn’t too bad of a day.

Occupy America

I have a friend who is “Occupying D.C.” right now, and I think it is amazing— all of the people that are marching, camping out and standing up for what they believe in. In large cities across the country, the youth are standing up and speaking up about the issues we all face. I must say that this fills me with excitement.

When I say the youth, this is not like the youth of the 60’s—-a bunch of kids protesting peace—-this is the older kids—-my guess is the average age of 30. These are not uneducated teenagers gathering to push peace. These are educated people who know the issues within the government and our systems, really moving to the front.

Police forces are barricading, arresting and trying to put a stop to many of these marches and the camps that have been set up. When people block streets or refuse to leave, they are arrested for not having a “parade permit” or for “sanitary and hygienic issues.”

I see too much similarity here to the ’60s and am a bit afraid for my friends and the people out there from my generation, who are brave enough to stand up. I really hope that the people can communicate with the government peacefully and that something can be accomplished without violence. For a country that is built upon the idea of “freedom,” the things have have been happening the last few days sure don’t seem okay in my book. 

While blocking streets—-both foot traffic and street traffic—is a little crazy and  affects people who have nothing to do with the purpose—-as a people, you have to do something to get the attention of those in power. 

Since the Boston Tea Party, I don’t really recall a time when the American people could really make a statement and negotiate what they wanted as a whole, without getting hurt. The purpose of a country like ours is to be able to speak and be heard. And not just heard, but to have your words be taken into consideration. America was not built upon the idea that our words will “go in one ear and out the other.”

We need a leader or some way to break the barriers that have been set between us and our government. My friend in DC speaks of inspiration and ideas being brought to light and they fill me with hope. 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45340184/ns/us_news-life/t/police-occupy-wall-street-protesters-arrested/#.TsVBDGNFu30

A girl cannot even be left alone on her day off to rest. It has still been dedicated to everyone else. Now it’s almost 5pm. I got called from work twice and got one email from my boss. 

I HATE that I want it to be January already. Perhaps I should consider leaving sooner.

Oh wait…now a text about an email from the boss. I LOVE this. 

I don’t know how much longer I can take this before I crack. Once the meaner customers start coming in (they already have and one chewed out an employee today and I heard about it over the phone in order to be prepared) and it gets crazy and people want everything gift wrapped and….

I want out. But have to stay. Through the holidays. This is so not okay.

AND

When I went to buy wine after my very long day (previous post first) at Wal-Mart grocery, I of course had to show my ID, especially because the self-checkouts were the only registers open. The woman working looked at my ID and didn’t say anything. Whew.

But then, when she had to enter my Birthday, she turned to me and said, “Wow, you don’t look that old at ALLLLLLLLL.”  Then glanced at me, then my ID.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Said the voice inside my head.

“Yeah,” I replied.

I tried to be nice. But seriously, be-otch. I am nearly 30. Just gimme my damn wine so I can go home and drink it.

Giving my life away

I missed the Gabrielle Giffords special that was on TV tonite. Because I had to go to work. From 7:15 to 11:30. Yes, that late in the evening——after working 9 to 5…because they are jerks and sent us 59 boxes of wrapping paper, cards etc. without any warning…which is how they do.  

The last time I got called in to cover I missed the world series with St. Louie…oh wait, that was only like, 2 weeks ago. It’s time to stop the madness. I am about ready to tell my boss I am planning on leaving after the holidays. That they can have their damn job because I want my life back. I never signed up to move their crap around in the middle of the night without any help. I never signed up to give up my night right before I was supposed to go have a drink with one of my best friends, then Skype with another best friend, and watch Gabrielle Giffords.

I never signed up to hurt my lower back, use my gas and fiancee’s truck to move all their extra junk they send to storage. I never signed up to use my own digital camera or computer to take pics to send to the owners. I seriously could care less…which isn’t true cuz its my job, but I really would love to go back to pizza right now.

The other night I went to pick up pizzas from my local joint, which just so happens to be where I worked for a lot of years. As I was paying the kid at the counter for my food, someone came and stood next to me. It was the supervisor/manager for a lot of these stores, who used to be my boss. I was like, “Hey, what are you doing here? Still here?”  Of course he was, uniform and all.

I sat and waited for my pizza (which never got made UGH and then when they realized I had to wait longer) and the kid behind the counter was taking a delivery order and a driver came back to the store and the kid was like, “Thank goodness, dude, look at this address. Do we go here?” The driver looked and said he didn’t know.

I stood up and went up to the kid, nodded and said “what’s the address?” He showed me and said I could come look at the screen. The address read something like 63550 N Calle dominico…and I was like, “dude, you dont go to 63-anything. No 63 thousand…whats her intersection?” I told the kid I had worked there, and he was briefly interested. My reply was, “yeah, like ten years ago.” Which is true, cuz that’s when I started…not when I left…but it made me feel old and I look too young.

I wanted to work there again. Pizza was the only place and still is…the place where I didn’t let people push me around. Cuz I knew what I was doing and I was good at it. But there is far less money in it than back in the day and…the companies are different. But….sigh….it was the job of my life, maybe. Hahah. Except teaching, hopefully.

Point——I spent 4 hours going thru 59 boxes. And do they care if they send those boxes and we have enough people to open them, instead of leaving them to block the whole store? Nope. Do they care if I plan my wedding? Nope. If I have plans? Not a chance. I need to put me first. After I save a few bucks.

Over it.